The 30-day AEQ program for the bottom part of the body gave me the opportunity to start feeling my body better. After many years of living with a severed connection to the bottom part of my body and having minimal sensations when using my legs, I now feel that these sensations are slowly coming back. I can sense my legs better now from the knee up and what I can sense the most is how much my muscles are contracted. Through Aleš’s explanations I now understand that it is hard for me to move because of my excessive muscle contraction. It is hard for me to lift my leg even if it is a small lift and even if it is when laying down, and the reason is that when move my leg I do not only contract the muscles that I need for this movement but I also contract many other muscles because of my general chronic tension. It is not easy to change this but the advantage here is that the more I start feeling my body the more I can consciously notice what am I doing wrong and try to consciously change it.
I understand more and more how important it is how you experience things inwardly and the body is a crucial part of it.
Even though the mind would like to be the ruler, the body reacts to events and circumstances differently, in its own natural way that the mind cannot bypass. The awareness of this is also very important.
I now feel the tension in my left inner thigh muscles more and I connect this tension with the restlessness inside me. By not trusting my left leg to support me I noticed how I use my right leg, which is firmer and stronger, as the only support pillar that I can trust.
I can understand this even deeper from Aleš’s explanations about the energies in the left and the right side of the body. The left side is connected to the feminine and the right side to the masculine and through understanding this I gained insights about the reasons for my chronic contractedness that originate from my childhood. I created and accepted these contractions to protect myself back then but now they are causing more harm than good – the use of muscles in this way today blocks and restricts me.
This 30-day AEQ program was a continuation of another 30-day AEQ program and now after regularly doing the exercises and listening to Aleš’s in-depth explanations for 2 months I feel that I need some time to process and integrate because I feel that my “information cup” is full. Time is needed to transform my understanding and create new changes.
The program is very intense and that is why you need time. I encouraged myself every evening to think about what the AEQ process was bringing up which made me tired because it took a lot of energy from me.
I am still determined to carry on – I will take a break from the programs but not from AEQ exercises. Aleš’s regular warnings about how we need to be attentive to what kind of relationship we have with our body have been very useful and I am happy to report that I am now more aware of it – I consciously create conditions where I am gentler with myself and have lower expectations.
This truly is a deep journey into oneself and I tend to carry on with being more attentive toward myself and toward what my body is communicating to me, on a daily basis. I became very aware during the program that I am more tense and contracted than previously thought. I know that this awareness and the newly gained sensations are progress for me because they show that I am connected to my body more than before. My job now is to stop denying and ignoring the pain and instead understand it and make decisions and do actions that will lessen it and create more harmony.
By becoming more aware of the importance of life processes like movement and breathing I now put my attention into observing my breathing more often. After becoming aware of my automated pattern of breathing I noticed how shallow it really is which gives me the awareness that this kind of breathing is not supporting me and not giving me enough life force energy that I need in a certain day. When growing up I limited the depth of my breathing to a minimum. Why? Because this kind of learned breathing made sure that I would react in a certain way – for example: not exploding with anger that I would not be able to control. Today, by knowing the level of my emotional maturity, I know that I can choose and correct my reactions.
I am looking forward to participating in the AEQ breathing program where I feel I will be able to deepen my knowledge and receive even more of what I need. My thoughts are in the future when writing this but I think it’s good to add some of Aleš’s thoughts here as well – we can only be consciously present in this moment, in the present, and from that understanding we can accept changes, by being fully here and now. Thank you very much Aleš for your detailed explanations and for your patience, I gained so much new knowledge.
Kind regards, Jana
To better understand the experience, it is necessary to know that Jana had a strong case of multiple sclerosis and a correspondingly strongly alienated body below the belt. She also had a strong feeling of helplessness and dependence on her parents. She now understands the exaggerations and related fatigue, which enabled her to maintain the unwanted state differently and has consciously and accordingly changed.