My third week of attending the 30-day program was the hardest one yet. I felt fatigued throughout the whole week, sometimes more, sometimes less. I strongly felt my back leg muscles (in the same sense as muscle soreness). I slept well. I repeatedly observe how I wake up a bit tired in the morning, that I clench my teeth and have a tense back and neck. The tension is gentle, because once I become aware of it and relax my muscles, it really feels good. As if sinking into the bed, becoming merged with the foundation. Even during the day, I often notice that I’m squeezing a muscle unnecessarily. Which means that my body awareness and attention are improving, the more I feel it and know what to do to relieve the tension.
There’s a lot going on in exercises. One day, pain appeared in the right hip (from the side) when turning the leg. Until now, I have never had pain on my right side. At the end of the exercise, the pain was gone.
When turning my leg I don’t feel the weight of my hip that I pressed (tilted into the ground.) In actuality, I don’t notice the weight of the hip that I lifted. I feel that one is raised, the other is pressed into the ground, but the difference in weight isn’t or I don’t know what that feeling is supposed to look like. I feel the tension of the muscles of the raised hip and the relaxation of the lowered hip. To my understanding (perception) the raised hip is harder and the one on the ground is easier.
I loved when one day we did the torso rocking exercise on purposefully wrong, when we moved the hip by squeezing the leg instead of the waist, and the shoulder by squeezing the arm instead of the chest. The difference in smoother movement was obvious. However, I did not feel my neck in this exercise when it was supposed to be strained to raise the shoulder. As if I don’t have one.
When doing the rose exercise, I excessively tense the front of my neck when lifting my head. My head is heavy and I can’t figure out what to do to make it easier. Even if I try to make the lumbar part heavier and transfer the weight of the head to this part or squeeze the stomach even more, it doesn’t work. It’s like I’m stiff and I can’t make a single millimeter of movement anymore. Even if I try to raise my head less, it doesn’t get any better.
However, I am not angered by these things. Some things still aren’t all that clear to me, I can’t connect some of the dots, but I enjoy exploring my body. I want to get to know it better, I want it to tell me everything he didn’t like in the past and it made him adapt. My attitude towards my sister also changed. I am no longer mad at her for not calling every 4 months. She lost a lot of things when I was born, and has probably been carrying it with her for her whole life. We will talk about it, when the opportunity arises. I must work on my integrity a bit first.