Hello,

At the beginning of the program, I was frequently overwhelmed. I was really trying to keep up and kept asking myself what I was afraid of, what I was running from. I became increasingly restless each day. Everything felt too much, I longed for peace, but it kept slipping away from me. I experienced an unusual bleeding episode that scared me, so I went for a check-up, and everything was fine.

It became clear to me that this was part of regeneration. My restlessness continued to grow, life felt more and more demanding each day, so many pressures from all sides… and again the question came up: what motivation does my subconscious have in all this, why is this happening to me?

A colleague told me my father had been looking for me, which I found odd—what did he want now? I felt pressure again, wondering what he wanted from me this time. Then my brother said that our father wanted me to sign something for his pension. That further stirred up my inner state, but these events also gave me time to observe my feelings and consider how I would respond.

I knew this wasn’t a regular matter—otherwise my father would have come to me directly, not skirted around like a cat around hot porridge. That scared me. Then again, my colleague said my father had been in the office and left something for me to sign. That was too much for me—I decided it was enough.

I waited for my father to contact me so I could tell him how I felt. I realized how he had manipulated me my entire life, how he had been irresponsible and relied on me to save him, how he constantly pressured me to do or please in ways I didn’t want—yet I always gave in, felt sorry for him, even when I was angry.

Then the day came when he called—I was shaking. He wished me a merry Christmas, I wished him the same, and waited to see what he’d say… and he started with his usual games: that someone gave him a paper for me to sign something for his pension, that he didn’t know what they wanted, that they just make stuff up… the same old vague stories, lies—he wanted something but wouldn’t say what or why. I told him I wasn’t going to sign anything, no matter how trivial or informal, that I was not his savior, that as he has sown, so shall he reap—when something is being shared, I’m excluded, but when they need something, I’m the first one they call. I wanted to continue, but he didn’t want to listen anymore—said “okay, then nothing,” of course offended. As usual, he ran away from the unpleasant truth… and yes, for the first time I told him a firm NO, enough.

I expected to feel guilty, to have a bad conscience, but surprisingly, I felt satisfaction—I was proud of myself. The next day, my son got sick, all throughout the holidays—first two days of fever, then he started coughing up thick green mucus from his nose and eyes—I had never seen anything like it, and for so long. In between, I also felt unwell, like I was falling apart from the inside, everything hurt—bones, muscles—such helplessness… horrible. I fell into total depression, there was no longer a bright spot in my life, I realized how I was just surviving. We couldn’t even go to the party I was so looking forward to. Then my partner got a mild virus—no end in sight. Last night, I felt an unusual discomfort that radiated throughout my body, with the epicenter in my abdomen. It lasted about five hours, made sleep impossible—it was painful, unpleasant, with chills, heat, strange sensations… then towards morning, I fell asleep.

I hope this tsunami is now behind me. It was truly demanding, hard, painful, and I hope that now, with the transformed membranes (mine, my son’s, and my partner’s), life will gradually begin to calm and settle.

Thank you for all the important insights, even though they hurt—I know they are a ticket to freedom.

Participant of the 30-day program.