Although parents often have good intentions, their behavior is frequently not constructive. One example is constantly calling their adult children and redirecting the conversation toward themselves. When a parent doesn’t know how to truly listen to their adult child, but instead immediately begins talking about themselves, how unwell they are, or what the other parent did—gossiping about their partner—it becomes problematic. If this happens occasionally, because the parent had a bad day or something didn’t go as expected, it’s normal. In such moments, it’s right for the adult child to support the parent with their knowledge and experience, as they may better understand how the world works today. However, if this behavior becomes chronic, it is crucial to recognize and set boundaries so these influences do not burden the relationships and lives of adult children.
If every weekend, when the adult child comes for lunch, gossip, manipulation, and faction-building occur—like aligning against one member or forming female vs. male alliances—it becomes toxic. For instance, the grandmother, mother, and daughter may unite against the husband, brother, father, or grandfather. Such dynamics are exhausting. Instead of family gatherings uplifting us, we leave Sunday lunch so drained that we need hours or days to recover. This kind of life is depleting and gradually loses its sense of meaning.
At the same time, parents who do not have a stable partnership are much more prone to chronic illnesses and problems. They have a higher risk of developing dementia, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, multiple sclerosis, and similar conditions—again burdening the adult children. These children then must care for their parents far longer and more intensively than what would be natural and appropriate, which clearly impacts the quality of the adult child’s own partnership.
Learning the AEQ method can help those willing to face the reality of their relationship with their parents to improve it. It is most effective when the parent themselves learns AEQ—when they recognize that their child is experiencing chronic health or relationship issues due to patterns passed down from them. If the parent is willing to listen, reflect, and apply what they’ve learned and felt during a program, they can support their child more effectively.
If your adult child struggles with an unstable relationship, is overburdened at work, is often away from home, constantly cycles, runs, or trains for triathlons, experiences pain, and sleeps poorly, you may wonder how you can help as a parent who has lived 25, 30, or 35 years longer. With our example and partnership, we show the child what to expect if they continue with the same subconscious programming they inherited from us. When we look at our parents, we see our future. When we look at our children, we see the consequences of our past.
Observing our parents shows us where life will lead if we continue operating under the same subconscious patterns acquired from them. If we see that our parents feel good, have a high-quality partnership, and are free from chronic issues linked to poor relationships, we can feel content. However, it’s important to be able to see our parents as they truly are—since we often idealize their relationship or forget the negative and painful parts of the past. Consciously forgetting does not mean these behaviors, relationships, and actions aren’t stored in our subconscious as normal—and thus they replicate similarly in our lives.
If we notice our parents are not happy, are divorced, or suffer from chronic conditions, we must ask: “Would I want to be like that at their age?” Usually, the answer is clear: no. In such cases, it’s worthwhile to educate ourselves and learn how our subconscious nervous system—the subcortex, midbrain, and autonomic nervous system—shapes our lives and how our second-tier emotions define our destiny. The influence of the subconscious on life can be compared to divine will or fate.
Events that happen to us, even if we don’t want them, are under strong influence from subconscious patterns inherited from our ancestors. In childhood, we are unaware of these patterns or resist them. The environment forces us to change our behavior from spontaneous and authentic to tense, rigid, and chronic—because our ancestors had to adapt to the conditions and limitations of their time.
Life in the past was harsh and cruel in different ways than today. Therefore, we cannot be equally effective in modern life if we operate from yesterday’s subconscious. The subconscious primarily shapes our life path. While consciousness can temporarily alter that path, if we don’t use it to upgrade and transform the subconscious, we will eventually return to the prescribed course our parents modeled. When we are not consciously thinking about our actions, we function on autopilot, guided by second-tier emotions. That’s why it is so valuable when our parents begin changing their subconscious and adjusting the autopilot settings through the AEQ approach.
Most of the time, we operate on autopilot, because modern life demands that our consciousness be focused on the future—often minutes or days ahead. This makes our life primarily reflect the state of our subconscious. The goal of the AEQ method is to help us become aware of why we have certain behavioral patterns stored in the subconscious nervous system. Through AEQ exercises and the theoretical insights I teach in the programs, we can identify these behavioral patterns and reduce sensory-motor amnesia and sensory-motor alienation.
We can transform subconscious emotions into conscious emotions—emotions we are aware of. In doing so, consciousness can influence emotions that were previously subconscious, allowing us to actively reshape the function of the subconscious nervous system. This rewires neural connections in the subcortex and the autonomic nervous system, which—fortunately—is a programmable part of the brain. The autonomic nervous system is already programmed during pregnancy, as the child synchronizes with the mother’s system. However, synchronization and upgrading continue throughout life.
With AEQ programs, I help you use the influence of consciousness and its creativity to reshape these subconscious patterns. In this way, you can gradually transform that part of the nervous system which, in most people, is outdated and ineffective for living in the modern world—it only enables survival, not thriving.
