When we talk about emotional intelligence, we usually refer to an individual’s ability to understand, recognize, and regulate their emotions, as well as to perceive and interpret the emotions of others. Emotionally intelligent people are often aware of their reactions and can communicate their emotions effectively, which allows them to build better relationships and cope more easily with social challenges. However, even though emotional intelligence involves quick analysis and explanation of emotions, it does not necessarily mean that the person truly confronts their internal states or knows how to integrate them into their body and long-term behavior patterns.
In contrast, emotional maturity according to the AEQ method is not based solely on the understanding of emotions but on their bodily integration and lasting transformation of behavioral patterns. An emotionally mature person is aware that emotions are not just a mental construct to be understood and controlled, but rather a vital energy that enables bodily functioning and influences the quality of life. To increase emotional maturity, one must work not only on awareness but primarily on the body, where emotional patterns become deeply rooted over the years and form part of unconscious responses.
People who have developed only emotional intelligence are often very good at analyzing and intellectualizing their emotions but simultaneously do not feel them in their bodies. They can explain their feelings and consciously control themselves in stressful situations, but that does not mean they are emotionally mature. Emotional maturity according to the AEQ method requires the reconfiguration of neural pathways in the body, meaning one must confront suppressed feelings that have accumulated in the body over time and influenced its functioning.
In practice, this means that someone with high emotional intelligence can quickly recognize when something is disturbing them and even explain it, but this does not mean their physical reaction will align with their new awareness. If a person is emotionally mature according to the AEQ method, they will authentically feel the emotional response in their body, process it, and respond appropriately. Such emotional regulation is not based on mental control but on the synchronized functioning of consciousness and the body, which means that old behavioral patterns are gradually broken down and replaced with more efficient ones.
Let’s imagine a person with high emotional intelligence but low emotional maturity. In a conflict with a partner, they will quickly recognize what is happening, verbally express their emotions correctly, and even rationally explain to their partner why they feel the way they do. They may talk about their childhood, patterns, and traumas and how the relationship affects them. Yet even though they understand everything mentally, their body reacts with tension, tightened muscles, shallow breathing, and increased internal stress.
Because the person has high sensory-motor amnesia (SMA), their body does not allow free expression of emotions, meaning they must disconnect consciousness from the body to maintain control over expression and not compromise their emotional intelligence function. To preserve one, they must sacrifice the other, losing the potential for a holistic influence on their environment, which they could have if their emotions were expressed physically and not just rationally.
Emotions that would otherwise be expressed wholly and naturally are restricted to conscious and rational communication due to bodily blockages, which lack real bodily grounding. While their words may seem reasonable to their partner, they lack sufficient authenticity and power to create lasting change in the relationship. Such a person may end the conversation feeling they acted correctly, but internally they feel exhausted, tense, or even angry at themselves because the emotions were not truly expressed—just rationalized.
Due to the disconnection from the body, they are unaware of the subconscious emotional impact they have on others, so they influence people on two levels—consciously and subconsciously. These two influences often contrast and differ in direct proportion to the level of emotional intelligence. Worse still, such a person perceives their body as hostile and with resistance, which becomes evident during AEQ exercises, as the body is experienced as something foreign and uncontrollable.
Conversely, an emotionally mature person according to the AEQ method, in the same conflict, would first notice the bodily sensations that arise, consciously relax, become aware of changes in posture and breathing, and only then thoughtfully express their emotions.
Because they have lower SMA, their body is not heavily restricted by the suppression of emotions, meaning that despite significant emotional tension, they retain rational influence over their expression. Their expression is supported by the body, not separate from it, meaning their words are energetically supported by the physical expression of the emotion and have a greater impact on the environment.
Since such a person does not act from emotional blockage but from a coordinated body-consciousness state, their mode of expression influences the partner more holistically and deeply, as it is not only logical but also sensorially convincing. This allows for a greater ability to influence the environment and a stronger long-term effect on resolving chronic relational issues. The partner will not only understand their rational standpoint but will also feel their authenticity, which means their subconscious defense will lower more quickly, and the disagreement can be resolved in a way that improves the relationship over time.
The biggest difference between emotional intelligence and emotional maturity according to the AEQ method lies in the attitude toward change. Individuals who function mainly from emotional intelligence often seek quick solutions that bring immediate relief, such as motivational seminars, psychological techniques, or spiritual approaches. These temporarily improve their emotional state by raising conscious understanding, but the body and deep subconscious patterns remain unchanged.
When a person goes beyond just intellectual understanding of emotions and begins to integrate them physically, their inner world starts to change in alignment. Emotional maturity then becomes not just something we talk about but a part of how we live, feel, and respond to the world around us.
Aleš Ernst, author of the AEQ approach
