Exploring your soul

I was slowly giving up on my back and leg problems; Even a hip replacement at the age of 44 didn’t fix the painful walking. Although the x-rays confirmed that the operation was a great success, to my great disappointment, the problems were far from completely resolved; after two years of hard and dedicated work (exercises, hydro bike, swimming, fitness) and good cooperation with my orthopedist, I had the feeling that I could no longer find my inner center for walking and that the acquired muscles were only twisting me further. All of this was accompanied by a rather annoying and occasionally severe pain in the lower back, which radiated to both legs and tightened the toes. Since arthrosis is already well established in my other hip as well, after two years, they suggested replacing this one as well.

If the first time I was unexpected, this time I became afraid that I would become immobile. At the same time, I thought the whole thing was extremely unfair because I have been working intensively with my lower back since I was practically 17 years old (or even earlier because I have scoliosis). My whole life revolves around this – recreational sports such as cycling, walking, swimming, rollerblading, yoga, pilates, massages, physiotherapy, and even diets, etc. Nevertheless, I spent most of my adult life getting up after four every morning and living in varying degrees of pain. Although after all these years, it somehow started to seem to me that the problem was clearly elsewhere or different, despite trying different alternatives, I was very far from any (satisfactory) solution, and I slowly became increasingly distrustful and picky about offers. Therefore, before contacting Aleš for the first time, I thoroughly studied everything I could find about the AEQ method. His first answer aroused a lot of interest and additional motivation in me because I thought it was incredible that someone could give me such a thorough explanation not only of my illness but also of my personality, based on really limited information.

We started when I was a child, which otherwise did not excite me in the least. It soon became clear where this sarcastic attitude of mine came from – already at the first therapy, skeletons from the closet of my tenderest years came pouring out. I must have been very young because I don’t remember when I crossed over this chapter. After a few therapies, with Aleš’s explanation, it became clear to me what I was closing my eyes to and why I convulsively refuse to admit that I am still just as helpless, vulnerable, and wounded. My body has become a single cramp over the years. When performing the first AEQ exercises, after a long time, I experienced a pleasant and soothing warmth and healing deep fatigue.

At first, my stubborn ego was quite lost, and hysterically clung to perfecting the technique and repetitions of the exercise. This slowly began to melt away: There were periods without pain or only small amounts of pain, then there were times with lots of pain, even in the neck, shoulder, and arms. But what hurt most was exploring my soul, which was immune to painkillers. 

Despite Aleš’s very clear and logical explanations, I still didn’t understand what the AEQ method was. Sometimes I was quite frustrated that I was consciously soaking in some sort of tub of self-pity, trying to justify my weaknesses and looking for excuses. Despite something amazing happening to me in the meantime: after nine months of co-existing with the AEQ method, I unexpectedly and effortlessly stopped smoking after doing so for 35 years. These were the first harbingers of spring; therefore, I am able to be a little source of love and mercy to myself instead of being the executioner.

After my ninth therapy, I was rocked to my core. My neck veins relaxed, and my eternal optimism, which was actually just a repressive mechanism for denial/silencing my inner moaning, sank into the darkest abyss. I don’t know what or where it was more painful and pressing, but after a month, I emerged on the plain – all beaten up but somehow repaired and ready. Even my physical well-being gradually improved for a while, until I ruined it myself after I put my work obligations before my own needs for a month…

But now I understand and know that the ability to choose and act is in my hands or, rather, my head. After 11 therapies and 16 months, I progressed in every way. With my newly adopted walking, I occasionally treat myself to a trip to the hills, and for the last month, I’ve even spent a week snorkeling for 4 hours a day, taking long drives, etc. This makes me immensely happy and fills me with motivation because the movement for me personally means, above all, freedom. I am also aware that my condition is still critical and that my old ego may soon once again cross the boundaries of its age and the age of my tired (tortured) body.

The AEQ method is becoming my way of life, and I perceive it as a kind of journey to myself. Although I am still very far from the beginning, I am firmly convinced that I am finally on the right track. With the invaluable help of Aleš, because every time you wander somewhere, he is an extremely insightful guide and an excellent motivator.

Sanja Pirc, Rome


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