The third week of the program brought a lot of changes in the way I feel things. For the first time ever, I clearly felt the blockade in my neck. Similar things are now happening in both sides of my torso. I can’t think of my neck as a whole in certain positions and I have trouble contracting it completely, even though it would make execution of an exercise easier. I can’t perform finer movements in my current state. Now I can perceive the effort that is present and I feel that the high tension in my back and the back of my legs also hinders me when I move my neck more easily. Now I understand why I never practiced exercises like the ‘’Cup of tea’’ and ‘’Flower’’ at home. I always chose such exercises where I avoided directly confronting my neck problems. It is more difficult for me to execute the closing part when performing the Flower. However, I feel a little more lightness when opening up.
The most information about my hips was revealed to me when performing the ‘’Side lift’’ and ‘’Respiratory torso tilt.’’ It’s difficult for me to determine the exact tone of my hip muscles. I activate many muscle clusters when moving my hips, meaning I also contract my abdominal and back muscles. I can see that better control over my hips allows me to breathe better. Until now, I always paid more attention to the muscles in the front of the abdomen and the muscles of the back when breathing during the exercise. Now I add to this the movements in the hip area.
My sleep improved during all this. I am gradually weening off coffee. I go to sleep earlier and wake up early. When I wake up, I have a bigger desire to work than before I joined this program. I used to hate waking up, because the thought of starting the day represented a burden to me.
I also have more energy but I find myself not knowing what to actually do with it and wish to get rid of it via patterns that I developed when growing up. I am used to lowering my energy level with excessive work (sitting cramped at the computer), or obsessively watching movies, YouTube videos, listening to podcasts. All this lowers my energy and will to live, creates a feeling of emptiness and guilt. I have always felt the negative consequences of this. What has changed now is that I now recognize this behavior more often and it is becoming easier for me to find a more appropriate way to use the excess energy. However, these patterns are deeply rooted in me and it will take some time for a complete change to occur in the subconscious.
Thank you for encouraging me to write down my observations. I quickly forget what changes have already taken place in all this time.