Today I can understand that during the whole month, while actively performing AEQ exercises and breathing protocols as explained in the program, I had a regular symptom of cleansing the body with the presence of worms in the stomach and cleansing through diarrhea. A whole month after the program, I noticed that my body was being cleansed and detoxified with this method.
In the month after the program, I first went into exaggeration in expression and movement. Then I experienced the shock of falling with a strong impact, which was also sobering for me. Sobriety, in the sense that I understood that I would no longer achieve anything by forcing myself to do as much and as well as possible. Simply no, because with all the acquired knowledge and sensations from the body, which I began to feel again after many years. Precisely with the fact that through the process, I developed a deeper interoception and thus a better connection between consciousness and body, the reality is that I also need time to integrate these changes by consciously acting and reacting differently when I judge that this is necessary. So my illusion was right after the program, with the excess of energy from the euphoria directed into exaggeration. From experience, I developed an understanding of the importance of moderation. Not too much and not too little.
I feel more life in my body when I perceive a fuller inhalation while breathing and, at the same time, the expansion of the chest and basically the expansion of the entire body during breathing, which I understand as a consequence of the process of opening the fascia and relaxing the muscles through the relaxation of the body. It’s as if in the places where I had the tightest muscles and fascia due to repressed fears, now, through the confrontations, through the relaxation of the body, parts of the body that I haven’t felt for a long time are slowly opening up. Through the regular implementation of breathing protocols, I explain that this is precisely how I ventilate (bring life back into) my body, even in those areas that were heavily congested even before the program – without feeling it.
I also work more calmly when performing breathing protocols.
All this is an obvious sign of increasing emotional maturity. Precisely by daring to face what, for me, represented my inner pain (repressed feelings and unexpressed emotions), I slowly raised my awareness that I could do it, and in the face of confrontations, where I recognized how fears diminish precisely with the knowledge gained through the time I have developed into understanding, I am gaining strength just as the patterns, doubts, and fears are losing their strength.
Then a series of events unfolded in such a way that just as I was coming to my senses from the pain I caused myself during the fall, I fell ill with covid. This was a shock for me, because I went for 10 years without a cold, fever or any other, similar illness. It crushed me until I realized that this time too, I had the opportunity to react differently, without drama. Despite all my helplessness, I tried to be realistic and calm. So that I also understood the unpleasant recovery as a lesson that I have to slow down and thus understand the importance of gradually raising my skills in cooperation and taking into account my current skills and physical capabilities. I’m moving forward slowly and gradually.
Many more sensations come to the surface through feeling my legs and pelvic area. I feel more life in my legs, more fluidity and also more pain, which I perceive especially after a day with more movement.
This is a big plus for me. But it is also true that I notice and feel that for now, movement like walking is a bit more difficult for me, precisely because of the restored connection with my legs and thus more feeling. As long as I have a lot of energy, I do noticeably better, but when I have less energy, I need even more attention when moving. When I’m just standing, I feel more stable. Slowly.
I also began trying to perform the respiratory counting protocol while swimming. After all, I have greater freedom of movement in the ocean due to a ‘’lack of gravity’’ and I find it a real joy to kick around with my legs when counting angrily. I control both my legs with more authenticity and less amnesia.
I also have to mention a big change that I feel when I am in a more relaxed state. Without the constant need to create drama and choose between the role of rescuer or persecutor and the role of victim in relationships. After the program, I slowed down the process to my own pace, and with the increase in emotional maturity, I am more consciously present in the moment and pay more attention – I notice what I choose, how I think and feel, how I behave and how I react, everything makes more sense. I am also proud of the acquired practice of clearer expression, also and especially in moments of emotion, when I no longer tend headlong into incomprehensible expression, with which I have always passed into a vague expression of helplessness through crying. Of course, it hurts to discover and become aware of inner contents, beliefs, and patterns. But it is also a very liberating relief when, with the acquired knowledge, through the understanding and experience of confronting within yourself and awareness of what you can do, you raise your strength, self-worth, and self-esteem… And then, since I know that I can do it, I am no longer helpless.
I undoubtedly have a long road in front of me. I encounter challenges where I feel and notice the importance of my role of taking responsibility, from which I regularly ran away for a long time without realizing it. I am also very proud of the improved relationships with myself and others. Better communication, less misunderstanding (because I now stand behind my words and choices), and by restricting, I maintain the center from which I act with awareness of how I act and why. It is challenging to take full responsibility for myself and my well-being. At the same time, I am taking the responsibility of an accomplice for my condition. In this demanding process, the realization that I am following with action gives me a greater sense of freedom and more authenticity. I am interested in discovering my relationships with everything, exploring within myself, and slowly trying to change the senseless, unrealistic, and ineffective patterns that are part of my old practice. I am satisfied and proud of myself.
Have a good day.