If it happens that the woman is making an effort in all directions while the man does nothing, then both partners inevitably face increasing problems. If the man does nothing to ensure that both of them have fewer problems, but instead shifts all responsibility onto her, this shows childish behavior. In such a case, the woman essentially has more children—one of them being her partner. The difference is that if she has a real daughter and a real son, those two will grow up and eventually become less of a burden to the parent. Once they become adults, the parent gains extra time and energy, which can be invested in themselves or in the partnership, thereby increasing the number of resolved problems and reducing the creation of new ones. As the child matures into an adult, the parent’s life becomes easier, they grow wiser and more experienced, and life becomes more manageable.
However, if you have a partner who takes on the role of a child—say it’s the man, although it can certainly be the woman too (and this ratio is unfortunately worsening)—that “child” never grows up. Such a person stops developing. In a relationship, they function similarly to a child with cerebral palsy, Down syndrome, or multiple sclerosis. What such a man fails to do is realize that he too must sacrifice, let go of certain things, and invest in the relationship in order to improve it (at the very least, for the sake of his children). If he does nothing beyond the absolute bare minimum to change the situation, then the relationship cannot improve.
The issue is that the man does not feel or recognize what needs to be done or changed. He simply cannot notice these things because he doesn’t address his sensorimotor amnesia. His behavior is also primarily influenced by the woman at her subconscious—or second—emotional level, because from a young age, she has been taught to be the one who takes care of everything, the one who is not allowed to enjoy life for even a minute. A woman raised in such an environment, where women are expected to carry all the burdens, simply doesn’t realize that she is creating an extremely difficult life for herself. To her subconscious, that kind of life is the only “normal” one. At the same time, this way of living aligns with her own past and the past of her female ancestors. Her second-level emotions influence her partner in a way that drives him to act irrationally. So, they can remain together even if they see that their relationship has no meaning or future in its current form—or they can separate. However, even if they were to start anew with a different partner, not much would change, because their subconscious would still be the same.
In AEQ programs focused on improving relationships, we can, through exercises and explanation, increasingly feel ourselves and sense how we affect others. We begin to clearly see that our behavior and the situation we are in are entirely logical and aligned with our subconscious. What we are experiencing is, for our subconscious, the definition of normal behavior—of normal life.
