The quality of our relationships is the antidote to chronic issues and problems people face. In the AEQ method, chronic problems are primarily addressed through the lens of relationships, especially partnerships, as well as through the reasons why some people don’t have partnerships at all. The focus lies on behavior, psyche, reactions, and emotional responses—whether excessive, suppressed, or distorted—and how these influence relationships. We delve deeply into understanding how disordered partnerships impact physical health.
One of the indicators of how disordered relationships in Slovenia are is the extremely widespread use of alcohol and abuse of other chemical and non-chemical methods for the ineffective suppression or expression of powerlessness and hatred towards oneself and others. A recent study on alcoholism revealed that Slovenia ranks first in the EU, with 17 deaths per 100,000 people directly attributed to alcohol. Indirect deaths are, of course, much higher. In this context, it is important to highlight the role of the woman in a partnership, who should calm, stabilize, and soothe the relationship through her physical structure—her pelvis, body shape, the function of her mind, legs, and feet. For a long time, women have been unable to fulfill these roles as they should and could. As a result, men increasingly turn to the short-term calming effects of addiction, becoming dependent on the illusion of relief that alcohol provides, ultimately destroying themselves. If a man had a functional and effective relationship with his partner, in which they solved more problems than they created, there would be no need for abuse. It always depends on whether you use, exploit, or abuse something. If alcohol causes death or serious problems, it is a clear case of abuse, not use. This means alcohol is used excessively, and we must investigate what that person lacks, what is so absent in their life that it leads to overuse.
How do man and woman differ and complement each other?
Chronic problems in a partnership can manifest as chronic pain, physical or mental issues. According to the law of time, an adult should be in a functional partnership if they wish to use their body properly—as it has developed through natural evolution under the influence of gravity and physical laws. This is especially important because of the duality of the nervous system, divided into left and right hemispheres. Outwardly, the hemispheres appear similar, but internally they have very different functions. The same applies to the human body, divided into left and right halves. The left side is primarily intended for female types of behavior, influence, actions, and functions, while the right side corresponds to male influences, behaviors, actions, and functions.
The reverse is true for brain hemispheres, where the left side is responsible for typically male behavior and the right for typically female behavior. Thus, a man should primarily use the left hemisphere and the right side of his body, while a woman should use the right hemisphere and the left side of her body. This means both man and woman lack the opposite structure: a man lacks the woman, since he primarily uses the left hemisphere and right side of the body, while a woman lacks the man, as she mainly uses the right hemisphere and left side of the body. When a man and woman are properly connected, they create a system which, through AEQ’s understanding of the world, behavior, life, and consequences of actions, is ideal—or the most effective—for problem-solving. This system has two heads, four arms, four legs, and a united torso—man and woman merge to form a near-perfect being.
If you study the writings of ancient civilizations that viewed life through a divine and mythological lens, you’ll notice a recurring story: that in the past, God split humans into two halves—man and woman. He did this out of fear of humans, who were created in his image and were becoming increasingly godlike. This myth exists in Mesopotamia, Greece, India, and China. In Christianity, this story is adapted into the tale of the Tower of Babel and the introduction of different languages, which diminished human effectiveness.
Structure determines function, and function shapes structure
When we use AEQ learning or analysis to identify what is common to all people suffering from chronic issues in a particular life domain—be it physical or behavioral—we discover chronic inefficiency. Then we analyze how systems operate in nature and human society, both in technology and natural processes. We find that the primary measure for a system’s viability is its efficiency—how well it performs its function. The structure of a system always evolves—biologically or otherwise—so that it provides sufficient functionality for the system to survive long term or, if it’s a living system, to reproduce.
This same principle applies to non-living systems, like machines. If the system is efficient and works well, it gets replicated—we make more units or repeat the process. If it is inefficient or dysfunctional, we abandon it and find a better solution.
Through deeper analysis of efficiency, logic, and the principle that structure determines function and vice versa, we begin to see that although men and women are fundamentally similar (roughly 60% alike), they differ in extremes (the remaining 40%). The more extreme we go, the more we notice that authentic female behavior exists only in women and authentic male behavior only in men. A woman can behave like a man, which is common today, and a man can behave like a woman, also quite common—but feminine behavior in a male body is not as potent, high-quality, or holistic, and vice versa.
The problem is that a man can behave like a man and a woman like a woman only when both function within a healthy partnership with someone of the opposite sex who is effective in areas where the other is not. This symbiosis between man and woman enables the creation of a highly efficient structure, function, and system for problem-solving. In such an environment, it is sensible and just to create new life—a child. AEQ views the child as the sum of the best that both parents have to offer: the man contributes his best in the form of sperm, the woman in the form of an egg. Thus, they create an improved version of themselves in the child.
Such a child must be allowed to develop, be born, and live in an environment that is not chronically toxic. If the environment is toxic, it should be acute—not chronic—because chronic powerlessness is the most unnatural state, which no system should endure long term. Chronic powerlessness leads to extreme inefficiency and can become dangerous, even fatal. That’s why humans and other living beings have systems in place to escape such states. These systems activate when we transition from the parasympathetic to the sympathetic nervous state, triggering the fight-or-flight response to escape present powerlessness. Fight helps us overcome what’s making us powerless; flight removes us from the harmful environment. After successfully fighting or fleeing, we return to a parasympathetic state where we rest, regenerate, and recover.
If we can’t or don’t know how to use these solutions and remain inefficient in solving problems, our issues become chronic. Chronic problems lead to chronic powerlessness, which activates the sympathetic nervous system, causing dysfunction and deep imbalance in the body. This chronic activation is unnatural and unsustainable. Consequently, this distorted functioning of the autonomic nervous system alters the body’s structure and leads to chronic physical problems such as pain, inflammation, autoimmune disease, joint degeneration, and other chronic conditions. In addition to physical symptoms, psychological and behavioral disorders may develop, such as allergies, depression, anxiety, insomnia, neurosis, hysteria, apathy, and more—all of which diminish quality of life and damage the partnership.
This law—that structure determines function and function shapes structure—applies equally to partnerships. If partners rarely activate the parasympathetic nervous system, it changes the function and structure of the relationship, making it less effective, less fulfilling, and less attractive.
In my online programs, I focus on identifying and acknowledging the presence of chronic powerlessness within us and on the methods for overcoming it—by increasing emotional maturity, creating harmony and complementarity within the partnership, and raising emotional effectiveness.
