Even though parents often have good intentions, their behavior is frequently not constructive. A typical example is the constant calling of adult children and redirecting conversations back to themselves—when a parent doesn’t know how to listen to their adult child and instead immediately starts talking about their own problems or what the other parent did wrong, gossiping about the other parent. If this happens occasionally because the parent is having a bad day or something didn’t go as planned, it’s normal. In such cases, it’s appropriate for the adult child to help the parent with their knowledge and experience, as they better understand how the world works today. However, if this becomes chronic, it’s important to recognize and limit such influence so it doesn’t burden the adult child’s relationships and life.
If every weekend, during family lunches, gossip, manipulation, and faction-building against one family member—or the emergence of female versus male factions—takes place, this is toxic. For example, a grandmother, mother, and daughter might form a front against the husband, brother, father, or grandfather. Such relationships are exhausting, and instead of family gatherings bringing joy and relief, one returns home so depleted that it takes hours or even days to recover. This kind of life is draining and gradually starts to feel meaningless.
Moreover, parents who do not have a stable partnership are significantly more susceptible to chronic illnesses and issues. They have a higher risk of developing dementia, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, multiple sclerosis, and similar diseases, which then becomes a burden on the adult children. These children must care for their parents for much longer and more intensively than would be natural or reasonable, which clearly has a strong negative impact on the quality of their own romantic relationships.
Learning the AEQ method can help those willing to confront the reality of their relationship with their parents improve it. The most effective scenario is when the parent learns AEQ, recognizing that their child’s chronic health or relationship issues may stem from inherited patterns passed down from them. If the parent is ready during the program to listen, reflect, and apply what they learn and feel, they can be of much greater help to their child.
If your adult child is struggling, has an unstable partnership, is overburdened at work, is rarely at home, constantly cycling, running, training for triathlons, complains of pain and poor sleep, you may ask yourself how you can help as a parent who has been on this Earth 25, 30, or 35 years longer. With our example and our partnership, we show our children what awaits them if they maintain the same subconscious patterns they received from us. When we observe our parents, we are looking at our future. When we observe our children, we are seeing the consequences of our past.
By watching our parents, we see where life will lead us if we continue acting out the subconscious patterns we inherited from them. If we see that our parents feel well, have a quality relationship, and are free of chronic issues stemming from dysfunctional relationships, we can feel at peace. However, it’s important to be able to see our parents as they really are, as we often idealize their relationship or forget all the bad things from the past. Just because we consciously forget doesn’t mean those behaviors and experiences haven’t remained stored in our subconscious and are not being reenacted in our lives.
If we observe that our parents are unhappy, divorced, or suffering from chronic conditions, we must ask ourselves: “Do I want to be like that when I reach their age?” The answer is usually clear: no. In such a case, it makes sense to educate ourselves and learn more about how our subconscious nervous system—our subcortex, midbrain, and autonomic nervous system—influence our lives and how second-level emotions shape our destiny. The influence of the subconscious on our lives can be compared to divine will or fate.
Events that occur to us, even if we don’t desire them, are strongly influenced by subconscious patterns passed down from our ancestors. In childhood, we are unaware of these patterns or resist them. The environment forces us to transform our behavior from spontaneous and authentic to rigid, tense, and chronic, because our ancestors had to adapt to the demands and limitations of their time.
Life in the past was harsh and cruel in different ways than today, so we cannot be equally effective in modern life if we operate with a subconscious rooted in the past. Subconscious functioning primarily determines our path in life. Consciousness can temporarily divert this path, but if we don’t use it to upgrade and reshape the subconscious, we will eventually have to return to the prescribed path shown to us by our parents. When we stop thinking about what we are doing, we operate from the subconscious and second-level emotions—this is our autopilot. That is also why it is so beneficial if our parents use the AEQ approach to begin changing their subconscious and adjusting the autopilot.
We use autopilot most of the time because the pace of life requires our conscious mind to mostly be ahead of us. We must always be at least five minutes or even several days ahead mentally. Therefore, our lives are primarily shaped by how our subconscious is set. The purpose of the AEQ method is to increase awareness of why and how we developed certain behavioral patterns in the subconscious nervous system. By using AEQ exercises and the theory taught in the programs, we can recognize these patterns and reduce sensory-motor amnesia and alienation.
Subconscious emotions can be transformed into conscious emotions—ones we are aware of. This allows us to use consciousness to influence these newly conscious emotions and actively change the functioning of subconscious parts of the nervous system. In doing so, we change the neural connections in the subcortex and autonomic nervous system, which fortunately can be reprogrammed. The autonomic nervous system is already being programmed during pregnancy as the child synchronizes their system with the mother’s. Synchronization and upgrading continue throughout life.
Through AEQ programs, I help you use conscious influence and creativity to change these subconscious patterns. In this way, you can increasingly transform the parts of your nervous system that are outdated, incompatible, and inefficient for living in the modern world and that only support survival—not a fulfilling life.
