The partner should come first, and the child second. The partners are the central core of the family, around which the children orbit—just as planets orbit the sun. In this way, the unity of the partners enables the children to eventually leave their relationship. If we view it through the symbolism of planets, children are those who, at a certain point, leave the parents’ solar system and create a new one of their own.
Childhood is a period of learning for adulthood, lasting about a quarter or a fifth of a person’s life, depending on life span and how we define childhood. By the law of time, childhood lasts until around the age of 20. The first six years are for play, from six to twenty are for learning, from twenty to fifty are for work and creating the necessary foundation for having children. From age fifty onward, a person teaches others, those younger than themselves. In this way, life continues its flow.
Only when the partnership is sufficiently good and stable do the partners take on the role of parents. When they have children, the parental relationship does not destroy the partnership. Through their relationship, the parents enable the child, during their learning years, to observe and learn what a relationship should look like when they themselves become an adult after age twenty and leave the parental bond. The parental relationship will never become a partnership if the partners maintain a quality and effective relationship with each other. The child will then be able to form a new partnership with another person, with whom they will enter a parental relationship—and so it goes on.
For this reason, the partner is always primarily more important than the child. Of course, this doesn’t mean it’s always that way in every moment. A child certainly has higher acute importance than a partner when they need help, when they are sick, or when they require additional attention. However, the primary relationship that must be as well-maintained as possible is always the partnership, because only from such a relationship can a child grow into someone who becomes and remains independent. Otherwise, parents will force the child to grow up too soon, and the child will miss out on childhood. Later in life, when they are expected to act as an adult, they will begin to behave childishly. This means they will make immature decisions, lack responsibility and wisdom, and be unable to learn from their mistakes.
It’s highly likely that such a person will return to the parental home, especially if one parent, due to their own poor relationship, calls them back. For example, if the parents divorce and one is left alone, they may try to seek comfort and support from the child—which in an acute situation is logical and reasonable. However, the child’s help must not become chronic, as this leads to the abuse of the child. Abuse occurs when a parent places the child in a partner-like role. In such cases, the adult child will be unable to form a healthy partnership with someone their own age.
