Love—a word that carries the weight of hope, expectations, ideals, and deep emotions. Many perceive it as an unconditional force that transcends reason and breaks through all barriers. Romantic literature, films, and religion often depict love as something absolute, something that exists regardless of circumstances or external factors. But is this image real? Or is love in a relationship actually conditioned by our needs, expectations, and benefits?
Within the AEQ Method, love is not viewed merely as a romantic ideal, but as a dynamic process closely tied to an individual’s physical and emotional regulation. To understand whether love in a partnership is truly unconditional, we must first examine what love really is and what influences its existence and development.
The concept of unconditional love assumes that we love someone regardless of what they do, how they behave, or how they treat us. In theory, this sounds wonderful and spiritually liberating, but in practice, the question quickly arises: is this even possible? We are not only spiritual beings but also biological and emotional beings with specific needs. Every individual carries their history, traumas, and unfulfilled desires, which they try to compensate for through relationships. Therefore, love is not just pure emotional energy but a complex interaction between two individuals, each seeking certain benefits and the fulfillment of personal needs.
If love were truly unconditional, it would mean we could love someone no matter how they treat us. Could we stay in a relationship where our partner neglects us, humiliates us, or ignores our needs? Could we love someone who doesn’t value us? If the answer is “yes,” it might also mean tolerating destructive relationships and neglecting our own boundaries.
In reality, each person loves in a way shaped by their past experiences, childhood patterns, and their ability to perceive and express emotions. Our love depends on how good we feel in the relationship, how much emotional safety we experience, and whether our partner enables us to grow and evolve.
Although we often avoid acknowledging that certain benefits exist in romantic relationships, this is an inevitable part of any connection. We enter relationships because we long for emotional closeness, safety, support, understanding, and also physical intimacy. In a healthy partnership, the needs of both partners align, and the exchange of benefits is balanced—both partners give and receive in a way that is mutual and fulfilling.
The problem arises when that balance is disrupted. If one partner starts giving more than they receive, or if love is used as a tool for manipulation and control, the relationship shifts from healthy to exploitative.
Some key questions we can ask ourselves: Do we stay in the relationship because love truly fulfills us, or because it meets certain needs (security, financial stability, social status, fear of loneliness)? Do we love our partner as a whole person, or only the parts that meet our expectations? What happens to our love when the partner no longer fulfills our needs?
From the perspective of the AEQ Method, it is important to understand that every relationship is based on unconscious patterns formed in childhood. It often happens that in a partner we seek something we missed from our parents—perhaps attention, understanding, or a sense of worth. When these needs are not met, love begins to fade, which clearly shows that it was not unconditional but conditional on certain expectations.
If we want to improve the quality of our relationships and free ourselves from the illusion of unconditional love, we must first recognize our own patterns and behavioral mechanisms.
We need awareness of our emotional needs. What are they? Can we express them clearly, or do we expect our partner to just understand them? We must be able to set boundaries. Do we stay in relationships that don’t fulfill us just because we fear being alone? Do we know how to set healthy boundaries and express what we expect from our partner?
It is also crucial to understand that love is a process that is constantly evolving. If we want to maintain a quality relationship, we must continually adapt, communicate, and invest in the connection. We must recognize that our partner is not responsible for our happiness—that responsibility lies with us. We must first achieve inner balance and satisfaction on our own; only then can we love another in a healthy way.
Love, therefore, is not unconditional in the sense that it can exist regardless of how partners treat each other. Every relationship is based on the mutual exchange of benefits and the fulfillment of needs—this is the natural dynamic between people. The difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship lies in whether we are aware of this and whether we know how to maintain balance.
Love is not just a feeling but a process that demands ongoing adaptation, communication, and growth. If we desire a quality relationship, we must understand love not as a passive waiting for happiness, but as an active choice for respect, cooperation, and genuine connection.
Love is not a magical force that solves everything—it is a mirror of our own emotional regulation and our capacity to see the other as they truly are, not as we wish them to be.
