Maja, a 34-year-old woman, felt like a disappointment to her parents during childhood. Her parents had hoped for a son who would continue the family trade and tradition, but instead, they had a daughter—something that quietly disappointed them. Although their disappointment was subtle and unspoken, Maja perceived it through comments like, “If you were a boy, you’d be better at this,” and through actions that implied more was expected of her than she could deliver.
Just like Oedipus, who was rejected due to fear of fate, Maja grew up with the sense that she was not good enough. Consequently, she developed patterns of pleasing and adapting in order to gain her parents’ love and approval. In adulthood, this pattern carried over into her relationships, where she repeatedly found herself needing to prove her worth.
Understanding the Pattern Through the AEQ Method and SMA
When Maja began studying the AEQ Method, she gradually became aware of how her parents’ attitude shaped her self-perception. She realized that, through sensory-motor amnesia (SMA), she had distorted and suppressed key parts of her experience in order to emotionally “adapt” to her parents’ expectations. This adaptation allowed her to survive emotionally, but also disconnected her from her authentic self.
Through practicing AEQ exercises, she began to see that her current relationships largely followed the same subconsciously established pattern that she hadn’t noticed before. For example, she often chose emotionally unavailable or critical partners—much like her parents had been. She had once believed these patterns were coincidental, but conscious work with her body revealed that she was unconsciously recreating these dynamics. The more she understood the logic and dynamics of her childhood relationships, the more she recognized that her current ones were based on the same subconscious foundations.
Raising Emotional Efficiency
With the AEQ Method, Maja began to reduce SMA and develop greater emotional efficiency. As she understood how her parents had influenced her inner world, she became more aware of how this inner world shaped her current decisions and relationships. For example:
When she felt pressured in relationships, she would automatically respond with pleasing or withdrawing, further confirming her belief that she was not good enough.
With the help of AEQ exercises, she learned to recognize these responses as consequences of childhood patterns. Instead of reacting automatically, she began to observe her body and emotions and consciously choose how to respond.
With increased emotional efficiency, Maja started building healthier relationships in which she stood up for herself and no longer allowed herself to be treated as “less than.” She discovered she could set boundaries without feeling guilty or fearing rejection.
Understanding Past Romantic Relationships
Through the AEQ program, Maja came to see that her past romantic relationships had always followed a similar pattern. She had tried to change her partners—to make them more affectionate, emotionally available, or flexible—and to “adjust” them to meet her expectations. When they failed to meet these expectations, she often felt disappointed, critical, or even angry.
She realized that she had been carrying many chronic relational issues with her that she hadn’t previously understood. Her body was full of tension stemming from suppressed emotions and unresolved childhood conflicts. These issues had prevented her from feeling fulfilled and content because her own connection with herself had been weakened. Rather than recognizing and changing these patterns, she often projected her dissatisfaction onto her partner and expected him to fill the void she felt inside.
Maja also realized that work had become her primary “partner.” In her career, she found stability, a sense of success, and recognition she hadn’t experienced in her romantic relationships. Work didn’t require emotional intimacy or closeness, which she subconsciously feared, as it brought discomfort and a confrontation with her vulnerability.
Through the AEQ program, Maja understood that the key to a different and more fulfilling romantic relationship lay in changing herself—not just her partner. She realized that romantic relationships are built on foundations rooted in childhood, and that unless she changed those foundations, she would continue to enter relationships that repeated the same patterns of disappointment.
A New Path in Romantic Relationships
With her new understanding, Maja began building a relationship with herself as the basis for a healthy romantic connection. As she reduced chronic tension in her body and reconnected with her femininity, she was able to accept herself and others more fully.
Maja began clearly expressing her emotions and needs in relationships, without feeling fear of rejection.
She learned to set realistic boundaries and accept her partner as he was, while allowing the process of change to occur naturally through mutual interaction.
Through the release of chronic tensions and work on her emotional maturity, Maja improved her relationship with herself. The more she accepted her body, emotions, and needs, the better she was able to build healthy connections with others.
A New Perspective
Maja realized that her past relationships had never been truly fulfilling because she hadn’t been connected with herself. Previously, she felt “most satisfied” in her relationship with work because it gave her a sense of control without demands for emotional intimacy. Now she understands that true satisfaction requires first accepting and transforming herself. The more she connects with her femininity and inner world, the more capable she is of building genuine, balanced, and fulfilling relationships—with both others and life itself.
Maja now sees romantic relationships as a crucial part of personal growth and her future—spaces where she can express her authenticity and find true contentment.
This account represents a strongly simplified depiction of a months-long process of developing emotional efficiency, which involves deep work on recognizing, understanding, and consciously transforming behavioral patterns. Its purpose is to help you recognize similar patterns in your own life that may be limiting you—and to begin contemplating the steps that would lead to more fulfilling relationships and better emotional alignment.
