A little report on what was happening during the first and second programs.
During the AEQ breathing program, I began to consciously feel my diaphragm for the first time ever. I felt how shallow my breathing is due to the rigidity of my stomach and the upper part of my lungs.
During the day, I noticed that I was constantly not only contracting my stomach but abnormally pulling it in (partly due to obesity and shame until the end of my teenage years).
I realized how inefficient, phoned-in, and empty my inhales were so that I could take a step from my subconscious, stand up for myself, to gain basic respect from my surroundings, especially my home.
In the end stage of the AEQ breathing program, I began to come in contact with my body. I began observing how I respond to my thoughts and the influence of my surroundings.
To respond to positive and negative stimuli, such as a call from a colleague, without knowing what the purpose is, I react by contracting my body and completely cutting off the feeling of what is happening inside. My biggest challenge was a long, deep, quality inhale and then a quality exhale.
The program, with exercises and quality explanations, helped me realize that this is severely limited by the chronic stiffness of my abdomen and shoulder girdle, especially the right shoulder, which constantly forces me from a neutral position to a pushed forwards. I didn’t feel all of this due to sensory-motor amnesia, and it opened up to me through the pain, which sometimes took a large part of my attention during the day.
With the conclusion of the breathing program and the beginning of the AEQ lower body program, I began to come in contact with my legs. As a long-time cyclist, I thought I had them under my complete control. It turns out I was wrong. A recent knee injury was the result of me overdoing it when cycling. I often went beyond my body’s limits, which I had no real contact with due to repressed emotions and traumas. With guidance from the program, I began to feel the chaos inside me. Despite resting as I had never before, my legs feel heavier and more tired than ever, even after doing the most difficult physical exercises.
Throughout the day, I have been experiencing pain in the plexus and lower abdomen. The pain in the right groin intensifies with occasional stinging. The inner thigh muscle is currently experiencing pain on the right side, especially in the attachment of the knee joint, where I feel several strong cramps during the day. It contracts my hamstrings and partially my buttocks, which is especially noticeable when walking, preventing me from taking a longer step. Then I also notice a worse balance. In a “relaxed” lying down state, I feel tremors of the right sole, which is visible to the eyes.
The pain in the right shoulder increases, becoming greatest when the pain in the abdomen subsides. During the day, it is sometimes so great that it contracts my neck and the area above my ear. Or it moves up the arm into the forearm, which is accompanied by a biceps cramp. I started to feel a strong tightness between both shoulder blades. The first time I noticed this was in the respiratory forward bend. And then, every time, we pushed each shoulder into the ground during the exercises. Strong amnesia also appeared because, with a lot of effort, for example, when lifting my hip, I left the opposite shoulder relaxed. This relaxation escapes when attention is transferred to another part of the body.
One of my last findings. Yesterday, during the counting module, I reached the number 70 three times in a row. A month ago, the number 40 was basically unreachable. I proudly concluded the module and continued with the strong exhale module. In the third repetition, a beastly roar came out of me, my legs were already concretely bent, and the left side of my stomach and my entire leg contracted as if it wanted to bring me to my knees.