It's been a year since my last blog post. For a good reason though. I really didn't know what to write about. Training, nutrition, racing? Nobody cares. There are thousands of cyclists who do the same thing like me, day after day.

In the past year, you got to know me a little better. A small inside look into my life, suffering, battling eating disorder, positive test, trying to return to cycling.

But you only got what I wanted you to see, know. There's more. And up until this summer, I didn't know what it was. I had no answers, but so many questions.

Why I get to have so much injustice, bad luck, bullying. Why I can't talk to other people, feel so uncomfortable being around others. Why I struggle to express myself in a genuine way, express my feelings, emotions.

Throughout all these years things got so bad, I couldn't ask anyone for help. I dealt with everything alone. Even when it comes to cycling I was a "one man team".