LESSONS LEARNED IN THE FIRST HALF OF AEQ SEMINAR LEVEL 2
After completing the third day of the seminar, on Monday morning I woke up full of energy and optimism. After finishing my daily commitments, I went hiking with the intention to focus on my body, analyze the state of my body while walking, and gather my thoughts. I felt surprisingly light, light as a feather. I observed my walk, my legs, my arms, my torso, my muscles, my jump, my turn… as if everything had been folded exactly as it should be, completely pain-free, almost a feeling of weightlessness. The feeling was so good, almost non-earthy, that I briefly became suspicious: what if it was all an illusion – it can’t last forever? The thought was quickly blown away by the wind, I surrendered to the sun, the air, the freedom of movement, and being consciously grateful to just be. A few more days of “all good” followed, even dealing with teenage “clever nonsense” went smoother, but then the curve turned downwards and I let it descend into a concrete minus.
The lack of energy, appetite, and will indicated that something was cooking, and since I haven’t been sick for almost a decade, fear appeared, as it usually does – What now? How am I going to do this? What about my clients? Usually, when there is a moment of somatic weakness, I push through with vitamins, minerals, herbs and homeopathy, I clear the mucus and all is well again. Now I know how the ego muted the signals, suppressed and stopped the process of shutting down the system that was supposed to regenerate, and I just carried on… This time, I allowed myself to get sick, I let my body rest and overcome the virus in peace – or whatever it was that attacked it. I laid down for three whole days and took it easy for the rest of the week. I even allowed myself to give up exercising and consciously resisted feelings of shame, fear, and capitulation, which was followed by feeling pride from finally acting in accordance with myself and not against myself, as I’ve done so many times before. I also completely lost my voice.
I was partaking in the AEQ 60-day Breathing course at the same time as well and, at first – when everything was going smoothly – I thought the timing couldn’t be better, while also thinking that maybe I’ve overburdened myself, and then through understanding tried to calm the pendulum and act according to time and gravity, as far as my current maturity allowed me to.
I was resisting the contraction that made it very difficult to write homework, the nausea coming up during breathing exercises, and an outbreak of anger in the family… I am writing now, it’s not much easier than before, but I do understand that resistance (blockage) is the result of a general fear of change.
Even though I am constantly impatient and rushing through life I am slowly understanding that normal development and a transition to a higher level is slow, that steps backwards happen and are also necessary for a safe walk forward, they are necessary for growth, and regardless of the cycle repeating itself, what is most important is not to not allow ourselves to stop.
It is inevitable and necessary for progress that we let go of things – pleasure cannot be achieved without sacrifice, and without going through pain. So many times in my life I was frozen in fear, so afraid to feel pain and wanted pleasure only. My low emotional maturity did not recognize the downside of this while the subconscious kept whispering: it’s all good, as long as it doesn’t get worse! Every once in a while, a sense of emptiness appeared from somewhere underneath, a little black hole that I quickly silenced, I smiled, believing that I was happy and that I was fine – but the smile only raised the corners of my lips, while the whole system stayed equally blocked, and I didn’t feel it.
I understand the functioning of nature’s physical laws on inner and outer life more and more, this actually led me to descending deeper into the AEQ method, for which I am so very grateful, it has been my ultimate breakthrough point in life.
I’m having a hard time writing, I would like to form sentences like Miha, Svetlana, Gabi… A long time ago, I was able to write an essay (that would be published) in the middle of the night, but on my way to adulthood, this part of me died.
There’s a lot of ice that’s going to have to be melted slowly, but at least now I know I need heat and I have the tools to generate heat. I understand that melting it too quickly can create floods, therefore I need to balance the heat supply and have a water drainage system ready.
From the introduction to the seminar, I memorized the sentence that AEQ Level 2 should be before AEQ Level 1, and I now understand why it is not, and how you need to understand things on a physical level first and emotional second.
You can no longer add flour to baked bread, take out the salt or reduce the browning. You need to make it again, add the ingredients again, regulate the process again…while being consciously present with what you are doing, and not watching television at the same time.
You cannot reprogram the subconscious without consciously changing your behavior – the exercises enable us to know what to change and how, through them we learn about our ability to create a movement by shortening and lengthening our muscles and muscle groups, so that we can determine the causes of the conditions that we are in.
Learning is life, and knowledge allows us to live it and not only survive it.
Sonja Gerkman, Teacher of AEQ Method® Level 2