here is my report on what has been happening throughout the first and the second 30-day program. During the AEQ breathing program I consciously felt my diaphragm for the first time and how shallow I actually breathe – with my upper lungs only – because of my abdominal contraction. Throughout the days I noticed how I not only contract my abdomen constantly but also abnormally pull it in – partially as a consequence of obesity and feeling shame about it as a teenager. I realized how ineffective and muted my inhale is and how I do not take a full breath which would help me take a step forward toward confidence, standing up for myself and gaining respect from my environment, especially at home. Toward the end of the program of AEQ breathing I began reconnecting with my body and noticing how I respond to my thoughts and environmental influences. For example, just receiving a call from my colleague while not knowing what was its intention created a somatic contraction and severing any somatic sensations.
The biggest challenge for me has been to make a long, deep and quality inhale and quality exhale. Through the program, through exercises and quality explanations, I gradually realized that this is happening because of my chronic abdominal and shoulder contraction, especially my right shoulder which is constantly trying to force itself forward. I couldn’t feel any of this before because of sensory-motor amnesia but now it is opening up through pain and this takes quite a big chunk of my time and attention. Toward the end of AEQ breathing program and the beginning of AEQ program for the bottom part of the body I started reconnecting with my legs. As a long-term cyclist, I thought that I have complete control over them and that I sense them well. It became obvious that this is not the case and that my recent knee injury reflected nothing but how I have been over-doing it over the years and how I pushed myself over my healthy boundaries because I didn’t have a realistic connection with my body because of trauma and suppressed emotions. Throughout the program, I started feeling my genuine, unhealthy inner state. Despite the fact that I am now resting like never before I feel my legs are much heavier than after an intense workout. I regularly feel pain in my plexus and in my lower abdomen, the pain in my right groin is increasing and I can only sense my thigh muscles through pain. I feel strong contractions in my right knee joint and my back thigh muscles which is especially noticeable when I walk – it makes it harder to walk and I feel difficulties with establishing balance. While laying down “relaxed” I sense a visible shaking of my right foot.
I feel an increase in my right shoulder pain which seems to be rising at the same time when the abdominal pain is descending. It can increase so much during the day that it severely contracts my neck up to my ear or moves down through my arm while making my biceps twitch. I also feel a stronger contraction in between both shoulders. The first time I noticed it was during the exercise “Breathing forward bend” and then after that every time when we were pushing our shoulders down into the ground – here is where I’ve noticed strong SMA because through lifting my hip on one side I felt the opposite shoulder completely relax but when changing sides, it didn’t feel that way. And my last insight: yesterday, while executing the “Standing count”, I reached the number 70, three times in a row, while I couldn’t go over 40 only a month ago. I felt proud and continued with the module of “Stronger exhale”. In the third repetition, I heard a brutal voice come out of me, my legs were concretely bent and my left abdomen and my leg felt so contracted like I was brought fully to my knees.